Day 2
Started her at 9am feeding, the mother was so exhausted that I think for two feeds (2+ and 6am) she was bottle-fed by husband (so much for my determination!) and she literally slept through..
Same thing happened again, now it's the latching on problem. I suspect it could due to be the bottle feeding where she don't even need to open her mouth big.
End up syringing in 60mls of milk the tedious way. She seems satisfied - who wouldn't anyway? Just lie back; open mouth and there's milk. She's very happy and in the midst of feeding her (both times on breasts & syringing) she talked again. Sigh..... Aricia, didn't mummy say don't talk when you are eating??
Might make a trip down to see Uma tomorrow. I might be a Permanent Resident in Tanglin Mall in days to come....?? Never mind, see how the day progress.
Tried pumping, still that miserable amount. Shit! The supply is really low.
Feelings : depressed
During the day struggled with her, whenever she drinks her milk (even on bottle) she likes to have this funny pose - using her hand - to support her face. So obviously now with the tubing it's blocking my view. I bring out her hand; she struggle and cry coz' I'm changing her pose, put it back and she stops crying. ??
I did suspect that the flow could be a little slow so did a few tries to have her crying & crying; her milk turn from warm to cold; my lunch became 1 hour later etc...
She didn't finish her milk. I have other concerns now.
Since Friday or was it early part of Saturday, she's been drinking only 30-40mls and sleeps alot. And with the SNS, she's drinking even lesser coz she basically either lazy or associating it as a pacifier.
So at the end of the day, I changed the tubing to the faster flow.
◊ the tube was not done properly, and it was kindda long... and she struggled. I thought she was rejecting me until I saw and *gasp* - poor thing!
The other struggle besides latching on are :
► she thinks she is suckling a pacifier. Remember I mentioned how she'd want a pacifier from me. So probably she's conditioned to think bottle = milk ; mummy = pacifier.
Pumping is still miserable.
Feelings : very depressed
Day 3
Athena is making a big fuss over nothing, wants the mummy. I get stressed up; tried pumping and damn!- that even worse than miserable amount. Fed up with it, walked out of the room syringed it and gave it to Aricia.
Was supposed to go back home after sending her to school, then I remembered I needed to go down Baby Hyperstore to try to find another stroller and wasted a little time chatting with mom. For obvious reasons, I didn't bring the SNS with me but before every feed I'll put her to suckle to (hopefully) stimulate. Yes she did better, probably she didn't feel the tube that's why.. but after a while, mouth closed a little smaller. Sounds promising coz' I did hear her swallowing some milk from me. Yippee! But of course how much can this mother give her? Gotta supplement and she was crying from hunger.. no choice had to use the bottle. Okay.. I think she's pretty starved and she almost finished that 70mls milk twice during her 2pm & 4pm feed.
In the end, didn't go down Baby Hyperstore coz' it was raining and I needed Athena to be present to try out the stroller, and she was fast asleep in school. Mom said she has a dinner tonight, otherwise she can come along and help me carry Aricia while I try to push Athena in another 'new' stroller. Maybe no hurry in getting stroller??
Pumping : didn't pump, anyway so miserable amount I can do it manually. But I've been giving them to her for 2 feeds so I think today can skip the pumping. Pumping only waste time!
Aricia was crying mad for her milk when I reached home at 5+pm. Yah! Now you know what I mean when I say she drinks every 2 hours - she's very punctual or sometimes she'll drink again in 1 1/2hrs time. She drinks so much but is still yet mistaken to be a newborn baby. Where did all the milk go to?? - very tedious leh!
I gave her EBM on the SNS. She gobbled down quickly. Good girl!
Pumping at 6+pm was.... no need to say lah! Syringed it to give it to her.
Feelings : v.very depressed on the pumping
She's suppose to drink at 8pm but she didn't. She did cry which I thought was for milk and put in formula (heng.. its formula not EBM).. she suckled for fun. I stopped the flow; tried to get her to latch properly; she cried; latch again; cried. Then she fell asleep................
Woke up again at 9+pm and really wants milk now. I'm tired; I've been playing the gooseberry game with her and popped the bottle.
Feelings : What the heck am I doing? Do things halfway, I'll probably get her confused (just like the confused mummy)
Personal thoughts :
♣ I told mom in the day if only I had continued the BF in the first place then I shouldn't be facing all these difficulties now. She reminded me on my reasons for stopping the direct BF was due to my pain in surgery (I had blood coming out from my scars, and reminded how many times I went to see the GP & my gynae to make sure my scar is not torn) and then I was in pain when she suckled - was bleeding in nipples. Shit! Practically bleeding everywhere, I should be thankful that I didn't turn out anaemic after that. So I had my valid reasons for doing so at that time. And I can't be comparing what happened last time now when I'm feeling okay.
Well, there's a point there.
♣ LC says to relax & rest; pump more than 6 times a day. Sounds so easy to say that. Not with a child who's been hounding me and cry for no reasons making me flare up. I wish I can do like what I did during confinement, lie in bed and rest and don't bloody care about Athena.
And how to pump 6 times a day? Count me lucky to be able to pump 4 times a day liao! I mean with that girl drinking every 2hours; stretching it to 1 hour torture feed; I pump. By the time I end, I gotta start feeding her again. And I can't ask KZ to help me in anything at all coz' everything gotta come from my nei-nei what?!?! So practically I have no rests at all, how to sleep in the daytime? Then I still gotta bring her to/from school. Still gotta shower her... LC makes it sound so easy.
♣ I will try and give myself 2 weeks? Too short time to relactate? I guess depending on my consistency and perserverance the results should equate to that. And give up after that, hopefully not to regret my actions. And don't ask me to give birth to No.3 to learn from all my mistakes.
Started her at 9am feeding, the mother was so exhausted that I think for two feeds (2+ and 6am) she was bottle-fed by husband (so much for my determination!) and she literally slept through..
Same thing happened again, now it's the latching on problem. I suspect it could due to be the bottle feeding where she don't even need to open her mouth big.
End up syringing in 60mls of milk the tedious way. She seems satisfied - who wouldn't anyway? Just lie back; open mouth and there's milk. She's very happy and in the midst of feeding her (both times on breasts & syringing) she talked again. Sigh..... Aricia, didn't mummy say don't talk when you are eating??
Might make a trip down to see Uma tomorrow. I might be a Permanent Resident in Tanglin Mall in days to come....?? Never mind, see how the day progress.
Tried pumping, still that miserable amount. Shit! The supply is really low.
Feelings : depressed
During the day struggled with her, whenever she drinks her milk (even on bottle) she likes to have this funny pose - using her hand - to support her face. So obviously now with the tubing it's blocking my view. I bring out her hand; she struggle and cry coz' I'm changing her pose, put it back and she stops crying. ??
I did suspect that the flow could be a little slow so did a few tries to have her crying & crying; her milk turn from warm to cold; my lunch became 1 hour later etc...
She didn't finish her milk. I have other concerns now.
Since Friday or was it early part of Saturday, she's been drinking only 30-40mls and sleeps alot. And with the SNS, she's drinking even lesser coz she basically either lazy or associating it as a pacifier.
So at the end of the day, I changed the tubing to the faster flow.
◊ the tube was not done properly, and it was kindda long... and she struggled. I thought she was rejecting me until I saw and *gasp* - poor thing!
The other struggle besides latching on are :
► she thinks she is suckling a pacifier. Remember I mentioned how she'd want a pacifier from me. So probably she's conditioned to think bottle = milk ; mummy = pacifier.
Pumping is still miserable.
Feelings : very depressed
Day 3
Athena is making a big fuss over nothing, wants the mummy. I get stressed up; tried pumping and damn!- that even worse than miserable amount. Fed up with it, walked out of the room syringed it and gave it to Aricia.
Was supposed to go back home after sending her to school, then I remembered I needed to go down Baby Hyperstore to try to find another stroller and wasted a little time chatting with mom. For obvious reasons, I didn't bring the SNS with me but before every feed I'll put her to suckle to (hopefully) stimulate. Yes she did better, probably she didn't feel the tube that's why.. but after a while, mouth closed a little smaller. Sounds promising coz' I did hear her swallowing some milk from me. Yippee! But of course how much can this mother give her? Gotta supplement and she was crying from hunger.. no choice had to use the bottle. Okay.. I think she's pretty starved and she almost finished that 70mls milk twice during her 2pm & 4pm feed.
In the end, didn't go down Baby Hyperstore coz' it was raining and I needed Athena to be present to try out the stroller, and she was fast asleep in school. Mom said she has a dinner tonight, otherwise she can come along and help me carry Aricia while I try to push Athena in another 'new' stroller. Maybe no hurry in getting stroller??
Pumping : didn't pump, anyway so miserable amount I can do it manually. But I've been giving them to her for 2 feeds so I think today can skip the pumping. Pumping only waste time!
Aricia was crying mad for her milk when I reached home at 5+pm. Yah! Now you know what I mean when I say she drinks every 2 hours - she's very punctual or sometimes she'll drink again in 1 1/2hrs time. She drinks so much but is still yet mistaken to be a newborn baby. Where did all the milk go to?? - very tedious leh!
I gave her EBM on the SNS. She gobbled down quickly. Good girl!
Pumping at 6+pm was.... no need to say lah! Syringed it to give it to her.
Feelings : v.very depressed on the pumping
She's suppose to drink at 8pm but she didn't. She did cry which I thought was for milk and put in formula (heng.. its formula not EBM).. she suckled for fun. I stopped the flow; tried to get her to latch properly; she cried; latch again; cried. Then she fell asleep................
Woke up again at 9+pm and really wants milk now. I'm tired; I've been playing the gooseberry game with her and popped the bottle.
Feelings : What the heck am I doing? Do things halfway, I'll probably get her confused (just like the confused mummy)
Personal thoughts :
♣ I told mom in the day if only I had continued the BF in the first place then I shouldn't be facing all these difficulties now. She reminded me on my reasons for stopping the direct BF was due to my pain in surgery (I had blood coming out from my scars, and reminded how many times I went to see the GP & my gynae to make sure my scar is not torn) and then I was in pain when she suckled - was bleeding in nipples. Shit! Practically bleeding everywhere, I should be thankful that I didn't turn out anaemic after that. So I had my valid reasons for doing so at that time. And I can't be comparing what happened last time now when I'm feeling okay.
Well, there's a point there.
♣ LC says to relax & rest; pump more than 6 times a day. Sounds so easy to say that. Not with a child who's been hounding me and cry for no reasons making me flare up. I wish I can do like what I did during confinement, lie in bed and rest and don't bloody care about Athena.
And how to pump 6 times a day? Count me lucky to be able to pump 4 times a day liao! I mean with that girl drinking every 2hours; stretching it to 1 hour torture feed; I pump. By the time I end, I gotta start feeding her again. And I can't ask KZ to help me in anything at all coz' everything gotta come from my nei-nei what?!?! So practically I have no rests at all, how to sleep in the daytime? Then I still gotta bring her to/from school. Still gotta shower her... LC makes it sound so easy.
♣ I will try and give myself 2 weeks? Too short time to relactate? I guess depending on my consistency and perserverance the results should equate to that. And give up after that, hopefully not to regret my actions. And don't ask me to give birth to No.3 to learn from all my mistakes.
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