Friday, November 11, 2005

Is it ideal to have two kids and more or just one or perhaps none at all??

Today had a chat with my girlfriend Wilma on raising kids. We both agreed that raising children is not just changing diapers and feeding milk. Weekends would be gone; no more usual hanging out with friends lifestyle. Instead it will be spent shuttling them to Tumble Tots; Gymboree and whatever supplement classes. And when they're older we have to bring them for tuitions. It goes on trying to give them the best education in an elite school all the way to University-local or overseas. And then when they marry, to which I added " well, when they get married we also gotta pay for their banquet etc.. so better to have a girl (marry out of the family)."
In the working society a term is used - ratrace. Can we have a term "storkrace" for raising kids? Parents like to compete with other children on grades; abilities eg. " my child can do this when he was only 1, my child has 9 A1s and will get into RI; my child can play all kinds of musical instruments". It's really scary..
Most of us will have at least 2 other siblings or more. We were raised up on just playing by ourselves; eat when being asked; drink milk when being asked (no questions or negotiating allowed). Our parents didn't pay much attention to us when we were young. 30% of parents would make the effort to go through homeworks. Now 98% of parents do that. But most of us turned out alright in this society, can get a job start a family etc.. So why are all the new generation so anxious now? I'm caught in this too. I want to give the best to my child, my girl is going to be 3 but I feel that she has been with us for more than that. Perhaps I'm too drained up in trying to raise her up properly; guiding her what's right and wrong; screaming and smacking her; flashcards;educational CDs/CD-rom etc... By giving too much to a child, are we spoiling them? Are we training them up for the real society out there? Well, we all will have to wait and see at least 10-15 years down the road.
If we want the best for a child, is it ideally to have only one? So that we can channel all our resources to one rather than dividing between the number of children. How about for those who are not capable of giving them the best or choose not to have children? Are we supposed to treat them as outcasts? Different couples have different opinions on this issue I guess. We should not let opinions of others affect us too deeply.


pigbylicious said...

I feel that you can focus all your attention as well as energy on that one kid. give him/her the best. but the sad part is.. he/she's gonna be very lonely and spoilt. that's my view for now, i might change my mind 5 years dwn the road..

Liliane said...

Yah.. I agree. That's why I'm confused whether to have another one. But then she'll be lonely and indeed spoilt. ( I can see the difference when she's in school and home - school less attention given to her so more guai)We die already how? What if she's not married?
And then she seems to be old enough to tell me " I want a di di, mei mei". Sigh............