Ups and downs

16th October 16, 2007
Time Check : 2245hrs

Aricia’s fast asleep and I’m awake. I dare not sleep coz’ of my guilt, of my guilt that I took her life for granted this morning.
She may be still a baby, but it's a life you're talking about - my baby's precious life. I can’t imagine the worse happening.
Choy! God will watch and bless my baby.

At the observation ward I kept sponging her (and carrying her) nonstop. One hour later her fever wore off. She woke up rather her stomach woke her up. She knew it was lunch time. Hubby bought porridge so she had some. I had a little of it, no appetite at all.

Aricia was brought into her ward at 1435hrs, not wheeled in but we prefer to carry her. She’s in a single room. Good! I can have time to do my things, but no wireless here (quite sad) so I can’t blog; I can’t surf but I still can type. Type into Word and transfer it over when I have access to internet. Can say I’m hoping to have internet to keep me awake, so that I won’t sleep.

When we first came into the room, they tagged her and then she started playing with her tag, thinking it's a toy. It was only after 20 minutes she got tired of not being able to do anything with it that she forgot all about it.

I didn't like to put on hospital clothes so let her wear her own rompers, so don't look like a patient at all.

So far her fever has been on a roller coaster ride, going from 37.4 (normal) to 38.something, it has never reached 39 except for that occasion taken in the clinic and at the triage. Probably the suppository did the trick.
Doctor told us her fits probably started with the fever fluctuating, the brain can’t take it so.. They rule out the EEG tests, to see her brain waves or whatever nots. Goash! I was consoling myself and let out a chuckle when he said that, thinking “yah Shichida children’s brain waves are moving too fast. Probably that’s why she had fits.”

Before I left the hospital at 4+ for home, they came by to get her nose swabbed and stick a bag over her private part to get the urine. Hubby thought that’s interesting, while that reminded me on the ocassion when I was suppose to get her to urine for her test for Dr Tan and resulting in many accidents outside the bag. He mentioned that “wow! This is interesting, last time we had to make funny noise just to get Athena to pee.”
At home, I took a shower and had a change of clothes. Packed my bag, ripped some of Aricia’s CD inside the computer. Hubby showered and got some office work done, while I was reading the news and blogging (obviously only posted now) a little.
Left the house at 6+, the sky turned dark.
At CTE it was raining heavily. God must have sent the rain to wash away my fears and tears.

Came back to see a livelier girl. She’s back to her usual chirpy noisy self. Next time I’m going to stop myself from complaining that she’s too noisy and active coz’ that’s just her. When she was drowsy after the fits and when she was sleeping, I wanted to hear her sharp voice badly.
Mom said that the doctor came by to see her during my absence. The doctor liked her hair – her coconut hair. And she called one doctor, mama (grandma). I feel very pek chek, though the doctors assure that this is common for children between 6 months to 6 years. Hubby said I’m overtly kan-cheong while I quickly surf for more information on this at home. “Doctor say this is common… why are you so worried?” I can’t imagine him saying this!! That heartless man! Darn! I can’t let anything happen to my child. Plus the fact that he was not there to witness the scary event, he took it so lightly. I snapped back “of course they say it’s common what! They see a lot of things be it on life or death day in day out, it’s a different thing when it’s happening to your child.”
The doctor also did ask "did any of your family have this?" It made me worry that this can be heriditary.

Bumped into another mummy outside, her daughter is 16 months old and she also had fits. In the hospital, her fever kept staying between 38 – 39.something, so I should say that Aricia’s not as bad as compared to her. But then all mummies are worried about their children.

17th October, 2007
Time check : 0010hrs
In 2 days time Aricia will be 1 year, 1 month old and we had to mark it by admitting her to hospital – what an event! She’s asleep, she didn’t need much coaxing from me. All she wanted was a hug from mummy; carried her and then she didn’t cry when I put her down in the cot.

Time check : 0025hrs
Temperature reads 37.8 Fever came back.
This time round she wants to be carried to sleep. Honestly speaking, I feel like carrying her and sit down to sleep. But I’m afraid that I’ll be too sleepy and drop her. I may say I’m a light sleeper but when I’m tired; I’m deaf to all sounds – which explained why I didn’t hear KZ calling us at 6am. If I sleep in the daybed, it’s too low…… nevertheless the cot is still the safest place to sleep in.

Time check : 1125hrs
Since the last time check, her fever subsided then it came back at 4+ am with a 39.6. On the whole I didn’t really have a good sleep, woke up intermittently to check on her (worried she had fits) and plus the nurses were coming in every 2 hours to check on her temperature.
Did sponging on her but this time round she insisted on sleeping on me and face-in not cradle carried. It makes sponging difficult, I was wet but that's still secondary. What frustrates me is that I had spent that half hour of consistent sponging and wondering if it's effective.

Nurses came in in the morning and said “she’s the talk of the ward. We like her orchid hair.” Haha! It looks more like a morning glory to me.

Time check : 1150hrs
My poor girl, while I was typing the above entry the nurses brought her for a blood test / culture.
She was happy when she was brought out of the room but she came back sobbing. She had been crying non-stop. What happened ? Look at her hand lor, even if she don’t feel the pain my heart also feel the pain.

No wonder they didn’t want me to go there. Probably knew I’d go berserk and threaten to kill the nurses with the empty syringes. Ha!
Anyway, the moment she came back she wanted mummy to carry her. After some time she started banging things around her with her right hand and laughing.

I dunno how to spend my time. Either I’m 100% caring for her or I’m typing this. I haven’t had time to read my book. But I want to finish this so that I get it posted out soon once I have access to internet.(can say that I'm hooked on blogging)

No choice, nurse asked us to dress her up in hospital clothes coz' it's cooler.
Here's some photos of my little darling, and she did look tall wearing pants. Poor thing! Hospital clothes but still the same baby - playful

18th October
Time check : 1046hrs
Haven’t had the time to write since the last entry. I had been confused with her fluctuating temperatures just as her body is fighting hard (and tired out) the virus.
Cousin Ping, who’s the legal adviser in KKH, came by to see her.
At 12+ noon yesterday, her temperature went to a high of 39.something. And it has been around 39 and above. She’s been clingy too! Wanting me to carry her all the time. Was busy sponging her down but at 2+pm, I noticed patches on her skin. Turned out despite the fact that I was still sponging her, it shoot up to 40.
The senior doctor, Dr Lee came by to see her, slowly I noticed the colour fading off and back to her normal fair colour. She didn’t have much appetite to eat for lunch onwards, but did well for her milk and fluid intake. Whenever she’s awake, I try to give her small feeds to keep her already small frame stay as it is (dowan her to slim down further)
The only time she was back to her normal active self is when her temperature is at 38. I was happy that her temperature read normal in the middle of the night. So it was jubilation for me. However, she manja-ed and wanted me to carry her to sleep.
I was aching from carrying her the night before that I went to buy Salon Pas to stick on my back (like an old lady like that). No choice I still had to carry her to sleep from 2am onwards. I need help!!!! I'm really exhausted!
Told hubby to bring KZ over to help me out in the, so that I can rest and work during the night.
My jubilation was short-lived, at 7+am her fever came back to 38.5
KZ came at close to 10am, saw the poor girl with her right hand with the IV needle.. felt sad for her.

Earlier on chatted with that mummy, she came by to our room to see Aricia. Everytime I see her, the girl is wet. The mummy kept telling me to sponge her through the night, I told her I'm tired out and alone. It's okay.. just sponge her. Wah piang eh... then she said "oh we have 3 adults in the room taking care of her." Ai yoh, how to compare? I told her "you have 3 adults to 1 child, surely you all can take turns. I'm alone with her the whole day, how?" I feel like telling her she was so clingy that I couldn't even pang-sai. Tummy very uncomfortable siah... The mummy then told me “you should bring your girl to shower to bring down temperature. It’s okay, she will only get flu. Most importantly is to get the fever down.” Ai yoh…..how can she say that?? And she told me to shower Aricia at 7+ in the morning?? OMG! Afterwards kena ‘kum’.
I bathe Aricia at close to 11, her usual timing. So happened she came into the Bath Room to wash her girl’s buttocks. She even told me not to dry her hair, let it be wet and it will cool down. OMG! In aircon room leh…. Afterwards ‘tou feng’ how?? Although I know this is the very angmoh method doing it. The only thing I feel comfortable doing is sponging, and do a quick bath but make sure she’s thoroughly dried. But brother did say this is how they work in hospital.. so she's not wrong. Nah! I dowan to take risks.

Time check : 2301hrs
yay! Finally got the wireless working!!
Aricia’s fever had been on the 38.something track the whole time. Only about 15 minutes ago it’s back to normal temperature. Could it be coz’ she’s resting so temperature down??

It’s comforting and reassuring to know that so many people cared for Aricia. Mummies from Athena’s YJC called to check. Apparently what I heard from Susanna (Jachelle’s mummy) that mom was narrating the whole story and how I got all my cookies baked and ready for the playdate.(ahem, I wonder how much of Peggy's time she took to explain to them. Ai yoh my mother so drama.)
Aricia’s rather playful with Dr Ang. She’d give her high5 readily, laughing and kicking her legs in playfulness. “well, she’s not suppose to be here. She’s very alert. Go home okay Aricia?” Seems like Aricia understands what she was saying, she wave to Dr Ang goodbye & gave her fly kiss. Haha!

I needed a break from child-caring. Went downstairs to buy food and at the same time pop by at shops. Stopped by at Mothercare to buy her a toy, was tempted to get her a helium blown balloon but sure kena scolding for wasting $$ so I asked for one in Mcs since I went to ta-pao lunch there.

Mom called and started with her preaching and what the auntie in Athena's school told us "go in brain; affect brain; will come back again etc...." you know those ah-soh one sided stories that scare the shit out of everybody kind? I got a little information from the web so didn't fully believe her story

MIL came by to see her in the late afternoon, and I just woke up from my 100 years of sleep. Feel refreshed!
In the evening, cousin Ping came by to see Aricia again, this time with another cousin, Yong (her older sister) and my aunty & uncle. I remembered and asked her about the wireless places. “the wards here are wireless what?” You mean you cannot receive?” Having said so, as she left she instructed the nurses to check on it as it’s probably turned off. I only managed to see the wireless utility prompting me now. It's the first time I'm logging on another server, I hope I know how to get it back when I'm back home. Cousin Yong is more of the jovial kind, laughed at me. I told her "like I'm some kind of big business woman like that. Actually surfing the net and blogging."

Brother brought Athena along, SIL came too. I was only told that mom will bring Athena back home this morning, so I made the decision to have KZ staying overnight with me to take turns, I get myself so exhausted I also cannot take it leh... I let her sleep first since I need to get this posted out and also I normally don't sleep so early.. works out well for me. Anyway when they were here, noticed Aricia had some rashes on her body. SIL was saying it's probably mock measles. The doctor came by asked us to take note if it'll get worse and it's probably due to the fever which was still running at 38.something. Brother then commented "ai yah..of only the handphone camera can take nice photos, should take one to compare later just in case." Then I spilled the beans that I had my camera with me. "why you bring camera?" Hee! Take photo of my girl lah! Not that this is a proud milestone or achievement or what but I snap pics at every little thing what?!
Forced the leng yang shui with syringe into Aricia's mouth. She dun like that drink, even if we mix it with her milk she'll decline it. But it's good that she's taking alot of water. Alot of pee and poo lets her clear her heatiness. But I'm relying on it to bring down her fever.
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I dunno what triggers off the sudden onset of fits? The 1st one was sudden, I was just thinking to myself if the 2nd one could have been prevented. Was Aricia suddenly being warmed up when KZ decided to turn off the fan and cover her?? She being from Myanmar also have the same thinking that when you have a fever; you're suppose to sweat it out. I wouldn't want to try that on a young child. I dunno why she did that despite the countless instructions since she worked for us that I don't want to use that method for children.
Read this :
Management of the child with fever
Home Treatment of Fever
These are the things I shall take note of from now on :
1) she never sleeps alone until she's 6 or 7yrs old.So our next helper will not get to sleep in the spare room, she will sleep in.
2) see whether I should set up the baby monitor again
2) gotta treat every fever and monitor her closely. Should do up a chart for her whenever she has a fever.
3) get a good and reliable and lasting thermometer
2) it can come back again, so the above must be cautiously enforced

Totally out of the topic :
1)Yeeeks! I swear I hate the squeaky chairs, as it is I have a girl who wakes up at the slightest noise. Sian.. hubby flying off on Sunday so I'm solo again!! Hope she's discharged soon.
2) They have the length measurement on those heater bed next to the bath basin, I did a measurement and she's 73-75cm, not that 68.5cm. So she's the 50%tile not 3%tile.

From what I found out about fits. There's the febrile fits which is common & normally caused by fever. In more severe cases and repeated seizures it's epilepsy. So the doctor explained if it's continuous to log in and then she suggested an lumbar puncture or EEG. The aunty in Athena's school apprently jumped to conclusion that all fits are epilepsy and said it's beyond cure and cause brain damage. So therefore the paranoid mom believed her and looked so worried; sounded kan cheong. I can't blame her can I? She's only like this coz' she loved us.

Read from somewhere that epilepsy occurs to those smart people. So it's a sin to be smart?? One nurse commented "all preemies are very smart, you see Aricia's forehead."So is there any link here?
Other links :
Seizures & Epilepsy
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