Sunday, May 4, 2014

A trying journey to SA1, Prelims and PSLE

I have been nagging and shouting at Athena almost every minute, everyday. The moment I see her I pick on her all the time. Every small little thing she does I find fault with her. She's like my sworn enemy. The only time I've forgotten about her is when she's out of my sight. The statement "out of sight, out of mind" is absolutely right.
I don't know why, it's straining our relationship. I get very moody and angry.
I began to think if the exams preceding to the DEATH SENTENCE have changed all parents. Last year, there was this man who was practically crazy; finding faults with every single car in the school; the moment he saw any parked car along the road he calls LTA; he horns continuously at people; he winds down his window and shout and do all sorts of finger gestures. This year I see a changed man, smiling all the time, waving to people in friendliness. Perhaps he was under stress last year as his son sat for PSLE. Maybe I've turned into a monster too?

I get really frustrated with her when she makes no effort to memorize and use the thematic vocabulary I made her memorize for oral.

I get crazily fuming mad when she don't use the compo phrases that I had spent nights compiling for her. She reads model compositions but when when she writes, the good phrases were not used. So what the heck was she doing when I made her memorize phrases? All the time wasted!!!

So she gets another round of scolding from me again, plus a bonus - caning.

She gets all the negative vibes from me. Aricia feels the negative vibes too since we're all confined in the studyroom. Sometimes I hear how she argues with her sister, she says something I had said before. OMG! Did I really say that? I think that was my wandering spirit right? It certainly didn't come out from my mouth. Yah, when I'm angry words that shoot out from my mouth without processing through my brain. My brother will tsk tsk me, coz' he's studied Child Psychology and has his way of "I must be sensitive towards a child's feelings." Lo and behold when all break loose, I spew words out, I shout at them. I pity my neighbours. No wonder my kids end up psychotic like me.

Many a times I told her I doubted her intelligence, that she really have no brain. If she's not using her brain then I'll give it to someone who truly deserves it.

There are so many things that I tell her to do (eg. underlining words in questions, do the arrow here and there and ... oh my! I can really be a teacher you know. These are things that teachers tell their students to do.)I gave her hints to how to answer questions she don't listen. TMD! If I gave those hints to any children they would have excelled.

Carelessness - my girl is Number 1.
Handwriting - my girl has horrible handwriting
Tardiness -  First in class

My patience has been stretched over the years. There must be a limit to my patience, it's certainly gone beyond mine. If I'm a teacher, I can jolly well walk out of the classroom and heck care them. But this is my daughter, I can threaten to heck care but ultimately the stupid me will go back to where I was from. So, why do I need to complain so much when I can totally give up on her. Can I bear to do so??
I don't need her to be the Top girl in her school. I'll be happy as long as she gets into her dreamschool. I've worked so hard as if it's my PSLE. And if I deserve an award, I'm qualified for two.

Most Patient & Supporting Mother
The Most Long-winded Mother  

I never knew I'm so capable to nag and nag and nag without missing a single detail. Akin to a broken recorder that rewinds to the part and starts playing.

Why that build up frustrations? I've done every possible thing to help her; I've gone beyond any mummies will do; I've forgo my friends my interests just to spend more time with her; I've stretched myself physically (working non stop from day to night to midnight); I've reminded her time and time and again but NOTHING GOES INTO HER STUBBORN BRAIN!!! How is it that I have friends who don't even bother about their kids, have kids that excel. I envy friends whose kids are self-driven. My God! I've been pushing and pushing her. I push once she moves a step, I don't push she don't move.

I see the great potential in her. I've seen how she works out sums in another way and getting the correct answers. She has great learning capacity, good memory. She can remember what she has read years ago and link everything up but she didn't apply that for her composition or oral. She likes to write short answers, so that applies to her Science Section B. Her Comprehension, Composition. Minus 1/2 marks here and there for not writing in full, missing out words. And it's not like I never taught her before. I did.   

It's her attitude! It spans about everything she does, from studying to playing the piano to running in the school race. The only thing that she takes great effort in doing is craft. If only she applies that to studies I wouldn't feel so kek-sim. Her attitude is hindering her to achieve more, it's really a shame. There is nothing much I can do except to wait for her attitude to turn around. The question is when? We have only 4 more months to PSLE. Will she get the results she truly deserves?

A friend mentioned to me that she told her child, celebration should be done after papers are completed not after the the release of the recults. Coz' the results are only a reflection of how much effort she has put in during the exam. She made a very good point. But secretly I told myself, I will see her results to determine whether she deserves a reward. Coz' I can never trust her words again. She often tells me "yah, I check. yah I did carefully. The paper is easy, I know..." But the results is not a reflection of what she claims. Sigh..... exam anxiety??

No comments: