Life is full of ups and downs, my breastfeeding routine is full of yes(s) and no(s)
I said I want to latch her on fully after Athena's birthday party, I tried on few feeds ( mainly I was still out & about and not convenient to pop into a nursery every 2hours) but still had to supplement with the EBMs or formulas. And the quantity hasn't improved. Then, beginning of this week I realised my quantity has dropped further - probably I didn't put her to my breasts as regularly. When I tried in desperation yesterday (although not all her feeds as I was outside), she rejected me. Sob.. sob.. she made me feel she's grown apart from mummy.
I don't know, I know I've told my girlfriend, Moo Han, will take it in stride and stop if it's meant to be. But somehow when I look at my girl - I felt I needed to give her my milk and my blood (if need be) - remember that at one time I was pumping and bleeding from cracked nipples?
I think now my girlfriend is fed up with me and screaming "ay! you want to give or stop??"
Then I thought it's meant to be and told mom, I may want to stop pumping altogether and give her formula - afterall Athena relied on milk powder totally and she grew up well. Pumping takes up time. And ceasing pumping will help me to get rid of my pumps. I hate things in my house and just want to free up the spaces. As for direct feeding, I think there's really the nipple confusion now. She suckles and then she sleeps, so basically she doesn't drink much and I still have to supplement.
But yet again, whenever I feed her milk she looks at me with that "cute kitty" eyes my heart missed a beat. I want... I enjoyed feeding her from me.
Nevertheless, I was still hesistant.
Today while we were waiting for the children to finish their concert practice, Jenny and another lady told me "you should continue breastfeeding." but how am I suppose to tell them my setbacks so far. If I did, I would have to start the "once upon a time" story.
I don't deny that initially I had wanted to breastfeed for my own selfish needs - to slim down. But then that has changed to "I want to give to Aricia." Which really explains the hesistance
Yes, I should be breastfeeding since I'm not working. But am I willing to give up everything for the next ?? days while trying to latch her back? And there's so many questions :
1) How long will it take to re-latch her back on?
2) And if I'm so determined to latch her back, do I need to get the Medela SNS
3) What if, she latches wrongly but knows that the milk flow still continues (from formula milk) and continue to suckle wrongly - it doesn't stimulate to produce more. We all know demand = supply.
4) Or does it mean I have to reject feeding her from bottles for the next ?? days so that she'll forget how to suck from a bottle? Then, I have the difficult task of feeding her via syringe for all her feeds? - which is like every 2 hours. And the sacrifice of staying at home 100% - I dunno if I can do that since I can't stay to face 4-walls for long.
To cut the whole story short - I'm very hesistant to stop.
I said I want to latch her on fully after Athena's birthday party, I tried on few feeds ( mainly I was still out & about and not convenient to pop into a nursery every 2hours) but still had to supplement with the EBMs or formulas. And the quantity hasn't improved. Then, beginning of this week I realised my quantity has dropped further - probably I didn't put her to my breasts as regularly. When I tried in desperation yesterday (although not all her feeds as I was outside), she rejected me. Sob.. sob.. she made me feel she's grown apart from mummy.
I don't know, I know I've told my girlfriend, Moo Han, will take it in stride and stop if it's meant to be. But somehow when I look at my girl - I felt I needed to give her my milk and my blood (if need be) - remember that at one time I was pumping and bleeding from cracked nipples?
I think now my girlfriend is fed up with me and screaming "ay! you want to give or stop??"
Then I thought it's meant to be and told mom, I may want to stop pumping altogether and give her formula - afterall Athena relied on milk powder totally and she grew up well. Pumping takes up time. And ceasing pumping will help me to get rid of my pumps. I hate things in my house and just want to free up the spaces. As for direct feeding, I think there's really the nipple confusion now. She suckles and then she sleeps, so basically she doesn't drink much and I still have to supplement.
But yet again, whenever I feed her milk she looks at me with that "cute kitty" eyes my heart missed a beat. I want... I enjoyed feeding her from me.
Nevertheless, I was still hesistant.
Today while we were waiting for the children to finish their concert practice, Jenny and another lady told me "you should continue breastfeeding." but how am I suppose to tell them my setbacks so far. If I did, I would have to start the "once upon a time" story.
I don't deny that initially I had wanted to breastfeed for my own selfish needs - to slim down. But then that has changed to "I want to give to Aricia." Which really explains the hesistance
Yes, I should be breastfeeding since I'm not working. But am I willing to give up everything for the next ?? days while trying to latch her back? And there's so many questions :
1) How long will it take to re-latch her back on?
2) And if I'm so determined to latch her back, do I need to get the Medela SNS
3) What if, she latches wrongly but knows that the milk flow still continues (from formula milk) and continue to suckle wrongly - it doesn't stimulate to produce more. We all know demand = supply.
4) Or does it mean I have to reject feeding her from bottles for the next ?? days so that she'll forget how to suck from a bottle? Then, I have the difficult task of feeding her via syringe for all her feeds? - which is like every 2 hours. And the sacrifice of staying at home 100% - I dunno if I can do that since I can't stay to face 4-walls for long.
To cut the whole story short - I'm very hesistant to stop.
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